Not the Same
by Nicole11
Summary: I'm not in love with--" Remus started. "Of course you are," Tonks said, trying to smile and hold back the tears. "You admitted it when he was alive, why deny it now?" RS Post OotP


Disclaimer: I don't own any Harry Potter stuff. And I got inspired to write this from **SpunkyCynic**'s story **Beauty Is Only Skin Deep**. If you ever need a Remus/Sirius fix, go see SpunkyCynic.

* * *

"You're up early," Remus commented as he walked into the kitchen, fully dressed.

"I thought I'd make us some breakfast," Tonks smiled, discreetly trying to hide the frying pan behind her back as she stood by the stove.

"But...?" he smiled, trying to glance over her shoulder.

"Well," she said, biting her lip. She always did that when she was embarrassed or upset. "It's a bit well done."

She held out the pan to Remus. He raised his eyebrows in surprise as he looked at the burnt remains of their breakfast.

"And this was...?" he smirked, motioning to the pan.

"Pancakes," she shrugged. "And now it's—"

"Charcoal."

Tonks bit her lip again.

"Nymph." That was his nickname for her. He was the only one allowed to use her given name. Remus smiled and held her hand in his. "Calm down. There's always cereal."

Tonks smiled as he gave her hand a squeeze. "I think I can handle that."

Remus kissed her lightly on the lips before she headed to the cupboard in search of their breakfast alternative.

"You look lovely today," he commented, making her blush. Remus took a seat at the kitchen table and looked up at Tonks as she came back with two cereal boxes. "I don't believe I've seen this look before."

"It's a new creation," she smiled, shaking back her sheet of black hair. Tonks sat herself down on Remus' lap, batting her eyelashes playfully; her purple eyes shining.

"You're like a walking piece of art," he murmured against her skin as he kissed her neck. Tonks giggled, wrapping her arm over Remus' shoulder and around his neck.

"So, what shall we do today?" she asked, giggling again as he nuzzled her neck.

"Well, I have the unhappy job of owling Molly and telling her about the incident at the twins' store that resulted in me having to put Moody in a body bind," Remus said with a sigh.

"Fred seems to have difficulty restraining himself around someone so paranoid," Tonks smiled.

"But, honestly, telling Mad Eye that you're an assassin sent to kill him is never bright."

"Well, don't worry because I already owled Molly and she's probably verbally abusing them as we speak," Tonks smiled, playing with the hair on the nape of Remus' neck.

"Really, when?" he asked lightly, turning to look at her.

"This morning when you were still sleeping," Tonks smiled. "What can I say? I'm a morning person."

"It's nice to finally meet someone who doesn't sleep till noon every day," Remus grinned. "Sirius always—"

Both he and Tonks looked stunned. Neither had spoken of Sirius since his death. Remus quickly fell silent, looking down at his lap. She loosened her hold on him, letting one of her hands drop down to her side.

They sat in a silence for a bit; Tonks had her head rested lightly in Remus' tense shoulder. She could see faint scars on his neck, and traced them unconsciously with her fingers, making him shiver uncomfortably.

"Are you thinking about him?" she asked quietly. His muscles tensed more under her head.

"Don't," Remus said weakly.

Tonks bit her lip, hugging him tenderly. She'd had this fear since the beginning of their relationship. There was only one way to make sure.

Suddenly, Tonks left Remus' lap and stood in front of him. He looked at her with feeble anger, his eyes begging her to stop. She screwed up her face, and suddenly her black hair was shoulder length, and her figure had changed.

"Please, don't do this," Remus pleaded, his voice hoarse from weariness. But Sirius, who now stood before him, ignored his imploring.

"Close your eyes, Moony," he said, taking a step closer. The familiar voice made Remus shiver.

"Don't call me that, Tonks," he said, his voice shaking slightly. He refused to think of the person in front of him as Sirius. She advanced on him. "I'm serious. Change back—"

Before he knew it, Sirius was kissing him. It started lightly at first, but once Remus felt the familiar skin against him, he wrapped his arms around Sirius' neck and pulled him closer. Remus completely forgot that this wasn't his Sirius. He didn't think of it as kissing Tonks—in fact, he completely forgot about her. Memories just started to flood his brain—Sirius' smell, his kiss, his body. It was all so familiar.

But before Remus could remember how perfectly his and Sirius' bodies fit together, Sirius pulled away. Except it wasn't Sirius anymore. Tonks had changed back into her previous form, and was sitting on Remus' lap, crying.

"Tonks—" he began, shaking his head as he tried to register that Sirius wasn't there.

"It's okay," she said, smiling weakly as more tears trailed down her cheeks. "I knew we were too perfect to be true."

"I'm not in love with—" Remus started loudly.

"Of course you are," Tonks said, trying to smile again as if it would help hold back the tears. "You admitted it when he was alive, why deny it now?"

"Because now he's dead," Remus said angrily.

"You're still able to love someone once they're gone."

"To what result?" he shot back, standing up abruptly, causing Tonks to do the same. "You'll only waste away in your own misery—in love with someone who is unable to love you back."

"You have to try and move on," Tonks said quietly. "Find someone else—"

"There is no one else," Remus said forcefully, more with sadness then anger. "Love isn't a game, where you can jump from one person to the next. Everyone has one person that they fall in love with, and Sirius was mine."

There was another silence. Remus sat down and put his head in his hands.

"I could change back into him," Tonks said quietly, watching Remus' feeble form with gloomy eyes.

"No," she heard him mutter. "It's not the same."

Remus fell quiet again, and Tonks stood there, not knowing what to do. She'd never seen him like this.

Finally she spoke, in such a hushed voice she was sure he couldn't hear her.

"I wish he were still here."

Remus pushed his head further into his hands.

"Me too."


End file.
